Monday, January 10, 2011

Detox Day 6

I don't feel like I'm detoxing. I think more measures are needed, but I don't have the equipment for that right now. Here's how I ate today:
Breakfast: Coffee (stevia/Silk) and grapefruit
Lunch: Butternut squash soup and 1/2 tomato with a little bit of avocado (left over from the previous night)
Snack: 1/2 red pepper, sliced
I ate my snack after school and when I got home I had to get ready for step class. I was getting hungry so I ate a hard boiled egg, then went to class.
Dinner: 2/3 a box of Quinoa and corn pasta with baby spinach and soft goat cheese
Evening snack: Grain, after not having it for three days, made me want more grain! And sweet! So, I gave in and had a bowl of cheerios with almond milk. Then I had 1/5 my bar of 70% cocoa. Yum! That's the perfect amount of cocoa. More than that and it's too bitter for me.

Where did I miscombine? The dairy and grain at dinner. I'm not worried about it, though.

Where have I done well: I have gone six days without sugar until after dinner. That is amazing! I used to have donuts and cookies (they're still available in the faculty room, but I don't partake) and sugar in my coffee and sometimes jam on bread. So now I'm raw in the morning. I eat partially raw at lunch, then I eat cooked food at dinner.

It's been six days and while I feel lighter and more energy, for the most part, I'm not expelling waste like I want to be. Waste=weight. Basically, for me, bloating and cellulite. Two things can help me detox better: juice feasting (fasting) and enemas. Ah! It's true, though. Go look for yourself. The information is out there.

Speaking about body image, going to the gym and these group classes has actually made me see how small I am. Often, I don't think of myself as small. It's not logical, but it's left over from pregnancy and post-pregnancy days of being larger. When I'm at an exercise class surrounded by women of all shapes and sizes, I'm never the smallest, but I am on that end of the spectrum. This got me thinking about high school. I was a thin teenager, so I know the response some girls can have to that. It was like it was my fault I was thin. Then, when I worked out to lose pregnancy weight, I felt the opposite, like no one gave me credit for doing it because I'd been thin before so it was to be expected. Only recently, when seeing people I hadn't seen in over five years did I feel acknowledged for my life changes I've made in diet and body shape. Anyway, back to the response some girls had in HS. Well, adults are often the same people they were when they were teens, so I can't help but wonder, do women who need to lose weight hate me? Just in the generic sort of way, like thinking, "Why is she here?" or "F---ing skinny bitch." Back to the expectations thing. I also have felt like I let people down with my physical inabilities which are not in accordance to my size. Though I'm thin with long legs, I can't run. I am weaker in my lower body than my upper. And I'm not in the least bit flexible. My inflexibility might surprise you. My gym teachers were practically disgusted.
So, all this rambling about body image and athletics was running through my head this evening. And so it is for most women. It's not all day or even every day that I think about my body issues. Through my life I've been mostly satisfied with my physicality. Usually, when I think about my body I think about a couple things I want to change (cellulite, saddle bags) and then I focus on things I wouldn't want to change (strong stomach, toned arms, small breasts). The list of things I like far outweighs my dislikes. For this reason, I've always felt I have a healthy body image. Sometimes, though, it does get distorted. It's easy for this to happen in such a media-centric world.

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