Sunday, April 4, 2010

Updates leading to religous ramblings...

Life is full right now: sister newly married, lots of planning for school, spring (bring on summer!), looking for a rental to move in June. That last one is so exciting, but also has us anxious. The kids went with us on our first outing to look at houses. Next time we'll just take the oldest. It was great to get her read on the houses. The first two she didn't feel right about. Neither did we! They were dumps. Then the third we all really liked. It had everything we were looking for and more. It had what I want: hardwood floors, walk-out finished basement, more than one toilet! Will would settle for less to keep the price down. The thing is, the house with it all was the cheapest. So, I think we can get a place we can really enjoy and settle into easily and still have a decent price. There is a good bit out there to choose from and I look forward to going back out there Friday.

My sister's wedding last weekend was a blast! She and her husband were gorgeous! While chilly, the day was beautiful, my girls were great flower girls and I danced my feet sore. I don't think there was anyone there who didn't have a great time.

On Easter Sunday, religion is on my mind. We went to mass today and I have dual personalities. On the one hand, I could just leave it all behind and raise the kids without Christianity and live my life away from the Church. It seems the decision, which I had wrestled with most of the almost 4 years we lived in NC, has now been made for me. So, on the other hand, we are a Catholic family. I am a Catholic school teacher. The girls are Catholic school students. We are expected to be participating members of the Church family and examples of Christ's teachings. At mass I disciplined S for not standing up during "the most important part," the Eucharist. Each bible story S or G shares with me from school brings back my own Sunday School teachings. It is all so familiar, comforting, and annoying at the same time.

Bill Maher... I agree with him. Religiosity? Yeah.

Mother Teresa. She didn't believe. She kept going, but she didn't believe.

Not that I'm ANYTHING like Mother Teresa, but I am sort of following her example, though she never wanted it known, that even when you don't believe, keep going as if you do. And that's what I do. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the coincidence of landing at the Catholic school. I love Catholic school. It's a unique environment and a nice one in which to work. I feel at home there, as I knew I would when I first visited the school for my initial interview. So, I'll keep going. I'll make the sign of the cross, I'll demand respect from the students for prayer, I'll support the children in learning all about the Bible and Jesus and the Saints. They'll make their sacraments. They'll think it's real for me, too. And though so much doubt and skepticism runs through my brain each and every time I encounter Jesus information, I'll admit that at the end of the high school's performance of the living Stations of the Cross, I shed a tear. Because the story of crucifixion is just fucking horrible and should never have happened and should never happen. And when Jesus stood up after everyone had gone from the tomb and the light still shown on him and he walked away... it was moving. I do believe in the afterlife and that we will rise out of our bodies when they stop living and we will be apart from material living. And the story of Jesus dying is why I am against the death penalty and always have been.
Today, the priest said how the crucifixion was as painful as the electric chair or the guillotine. How could we have continued with such practices into the 20th century?

That makes me think of the movie I watched tonight: Men Who Stare At Goats. I highly recommend it. I think the underlying message of the story is that peaceful living is best and violence is to be avoided.

So I will not avoid the obvious path that is laid before me. Whatever is out there allowing this miraculous life is to be praised.

1 comment:

saskia said...

men who stare at goats? sounds fascinating, ha ha