The world is not how I want it to be. Really, that's something I never expect. So, I'm fine with that. But my life, my life is not how I want it to be. I feel that I've been very, VERY good with going with the flow. I have what is most important to me and always have. Now, though, there's something else that is important to me and that is building my career. Maybe now is not the best time to do it. Maybe I'm not supposed to be doing it, yet. But maybe it's just a shitty situation right now with the economy and that has nothing to do with what I should or should not be doing, only with what I can and cannot do.
I cannot work a job that doesn't provide enough money to cover the exorbitant cost of benefits through Will's job (I should mention that Will pays nothing for HIS benefits, but the cost of adding me, in both premium and deductible, is not worth it at this time) and still gives us some additional income after child care costs. I have alerted social services of Will's income and we are waiting to receive a letter letting us know if we're still covered... if I'M still covered. If I am, we'll be just under the line and then I definitely cannot make any more money unless it is worth it, as mentioned. IF I am not covered, then I CAN work and I HAVE to work. In that case we will be forced to add me to Will's insurance and I will be able, will have, to substitute teach as much as possible. At this time, the scenario where I'm still covered by Medicaid is my favorite one. I am suffering from reflux and on medication and needing a scope and biopsy and all that out of pocket, medicine every month, doctor's appointments... makes my head spin. While I would love to substitute and "keep my foot in the door" as everyone says, I'd rather not start drowning in medical debt.
But I am still waiting.