Sunday, October 12, 2008

Tucking G in tonight....

Context: G sleeps in a sea of books. She looks at them and then falls asleep amongst them. Yesterday we packed up all the books, except the newest ones, we had on the kid's book shelf and put them in the attic in exchange for another box of books we had put up there about a year ago. That way we don't have too many books. Many of them will be going on to future neices and nephews and some will be kept for future grandchildren (yes, we want them already!).
So, while tucking her in tonight, G (3 years old) says, "I so happy we have so many of these books."
Me: "I'm so happy I have you!"
G: "Me too. I so happy I have famawee (family)."

Aw, isn't that adorable. Writing this I realize that up until this past summer G struggled with using "I." She'd say "Me want..." and such. I'd always have her try to repeat whatever she'd said using "I," but usually she'd say "I,me," like, "May I, me have some more?"

A few nights ago I had read Little Critter's "Family" book. It's so cute. I'm proud to see my baby growing up. I got to hold a newborn last night, for just a minute. She was waking up to eat and was doing the grunt. I was afraid I'd start feeling let-down in my breasts, so I gave her back quickly. She was 7lbs 8oz when she was born and even though mine were both much smaller, it's been long enough that this tiny baby was really very, very tiny to me. G was shocked! She couldn't believe how tiny she was. That's how S reacted to G when she first saw her, shocked at how tiny. S kept asking questions like what the baby would eat or play with. Guess it's been too long and she was too young to remember G as a newborn other than maybe a few flashes of memories.

Truthfully, even after holding the baby, I'm not wanting another. I had a little bit of biological ticking right when I was turning 27 this past July. I would be doing something mundane, like driving or folding laundry, when all of the sudden I'd get an image of me with a new baby and my two girls and then I'd start thinking about how much age difference there'd be between the kids if I got pregnant right now and then I'd just come to and shake the thoughts out of my brain. I had once read an article that said women's eggs start "going bad" at age 27. How crazy is that? They go bad, like chicken eggs, yuck. The article said that is the age when most women start really feeling the drive to have babies. It's kind of a weird thought that I won't reproduce again. But at the same time I feel content with that and picture my future with ease. I was very sick with baby #2 and that is enough to make me say I never want to risk my life again.

Besides, I've got such wonderful girls I wouldn't want to jeopardize my time with them.

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