Saturday, August 9, 2008

Edwards cheating is fitting

Today the Edwards family admitted John had an affair in 2006. Why is this fitting? Because I had a terribly long dream last night, it seemed like ALL night, about a conversation with W in which he confessed to having a girlfriend and wanted a divorce. Why would you dream that, you may ask. This is my stress dream. Whenever I am stressed I have a dream in which I find out W has cheated. In past years W was remorseful in the dreams and we often made up. However, recently the dreams have morphed to be much worse. Often W is cruel, lies, and wants to leave me and the kids. Oh, that's another addition to the dreams: we have the kids! In past dreams it was just me and W. Now the girls are either in the dream or we talk about them or I just think about them. Usually I am crying in the dream. Usually I wake up actually crying. I am ALWAYS lying on my back when I have these dreams when I am naturally a side sleeper. Last night I cried a lot in my dream, but not for real. I woke up sometime in the middle of the night when it was still very dark out. I gasped myself awake. When I went back to sleep I continued with the dream. I couldn't escape it. WHAT am I so stressed about? School. I always have anxiety about starting a new semester. I have silly worries like missing the first day of class because I get the time mixed up or I can't find the correct room. This semester starts (started) very early for me. While I've been here at the OBX my classmates have started the 5 day Seminar class this past Wed. Today the instructor emailed me saying I had forfeited my opportunity to student teach because I've missed the seminar. I had called the professor who told me to email her. I did. Twice. She never wrote back. The class continued for two more days on Monday, so I will be there. I wrote the instructor back telling her all the facts about my trip and having called her, so hopefully she checks email before class and I don't have to go into it all in front of everyone.

I'm still stressed, which is why I'm up at midnight blogging about this. Logically I know it will be fine. The woman who gave me her class notebook from last year told me some students had missed the first 3 days and they were pretty useless anyway. I just don't like missing anything I'm supposed to be doing. That's just how I am and how I've always been. I don't like to disappoint anyone. I guess I'm kind of a pleaser.

On another note, our week here at the beach has been wonderful. I've enjoyed a calm, clear ocean, calm enough to take the kids out without any fear of being knocked about. I've enjoyed a warm pool. S taught herself to swim underwater for the first time. G has no fear when it comes to jumping in and going under. I've enjoyed a hot tub on our deck. I've enjoyed great seafood out at restaurants (Red Drum, Blue Moon, La Fogata). I've enjoyed time with my family, help with the girls, time with my husband, getting to see my husband enjoy himself swimming. I've enjoyed spending time with my brother who has not been on a beach trip or spent any long period of time with me for years. (Thanks for demonstrating what smoking is. No one knows how newly 3 year old G knew the word "smoking," but she pointed it out like she was an expert!) I enjoyed outlet shopping, something I haven't done for a long time. I enjoyed lounging in a nice house and sleeping less and loving it. It's been great and I leave with a bit of a sunburn tomorrow to get back to school and life.

The detox diet is going well. I had to add in more starches today because yesterday my digestion was very cleansing. Know what I mean? I gotta get an enema kit when I get back, cuz all these veggies are cleaning my system beautifully! Also, I'm loving it. I do feel better, but am starting to have detox symptoms like gas and cramping, nausea and headaches. Definitely time for some colon therapy.

1 comment:

saskia said...

I had a month and a half or the worst, um, gas ever. It'll pass, ha ha!