Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Like a record, right round

McCartney has a new album out. I, however, am listening to Rubber Soul on record. It's swirling around two feet from me and playing through the very laptop on which I am typing. How amazing. The turntable converts music to digital. It's Will's Christmas present from his parents. They bequeathed us their record collection early.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Holidays

It's still holiday time, but I'm anxious to move on. Is it too early to take the tree down? I know I shouldn't rush it, but I'm like, let's just get on with the next year already. I have things to do. So, rather than wish away the holiday season, I started back to work this evening. I got one application for a Baltimore city charter school ready to go out in the mail tomorrow. I have applied to three counties surrounding Baltimore and Baltimore City, so now I'm applying to many of the charter schools in the city. Will was not accepted into the BCTR program. There were sooo many people with graduate degrees applying and he won't be finished his B.S. until the spring, so that pretty much explains it and makes us feel better. It's a really bad time for us to be trying to find jobs. We're up against people who wouldn't normally be looking to the teaching field. In applying to the city I'm up against the BCTR folk who would will actually get paid three steps higher than I would!

Every time Will and I talk about it we start fighting. It means the move. He wants to make at least 40,000 and says we both have to or it's not worth it. I would go down to 38,000 because we need to have jobs to get anywhere and there is NOTHING here in this part of NC. Will is going to look in southern VA though for a job he can commute to. Maybe I'll get a job for next year here or substitute teach and we can stay another year. Fine. That's fine if that happens. But it's not looking good right now for me to get a job here and I really want to move back to MD.

Will is annoying the frick out of me right now. He keeps saying these little attack phrases like, "I don't know why you decided to shower this morning when we don't have much time" and "You don't know the directions by now?" So then I snap back at him and he calls me a bitch under his breath. WTF. I ask him how he would feel if a man, or boy, called his daughters that. Would he want them to be with that man? Now, don't get all pious and tell me your husband/significant other would never be so mean. Understand it's a defence mechanism he, and most of us, have to just say the other person is the big meanie and that's the word he uses. Fortunately it is under his breath or just mouthed or even just implied by his expression. And I do call him a dick, so it goes both ways. I know he doesn't even realize he's communicating in such a negative fashion and I need to tell him so it can stop. It's also only in times of stress that we get like that. But also, in times of stress we tend to communicate better in the end and get ourselves through it without damaging our relationship.

Anyway. It's his final semester of school, I just graduated, we have 2 kids, we need health benefits and a home of our own and we want to move, so it's fucking stressful.


Moving on. The coolest gift we got was from my inlaws who gave us a framed copy of the Baltimore Sun front page announcing Obama's victory. How cool is that? My parents got us a Garmin which is also really cool. Will also got a record player that changes the music into MP3 format. And I got an anniversary edition GOLD etch-a-sketch! I love it! Both our parents spoiled us ALL this year, not just the little kids! It was a rockin Christmas.

Monday, December 15, 2008

I'm a graduate


Sunday December 13, 2008 I graduated with a B.A. in Art with a minor in Education. I wish it were a B.A. in Art Education as it would have been at my previous university, but regardless, I have my diploma. Now I just need an art teaching position. I'm subbing in the mean time.

Son of a Witch

Great book. Have you read Wicked? You should. There is another book from Gregory Maguire I have not read: A Lion Among Men. It's the third in his Oz series and seems to be a flashback story. But Son of a Witch also lends itself to another book about the witch, so I hope he's writing it!
Now I want to read L. Frank Baum's books of Oz, because I 've only seen the movies and Maguire references lots of things from Baum's world of Oz. Has anyone read these books?

What do you think of when you see the Confederate Flag?

The Stars and Bars. What does it mean to us now? I'm from Maryland, a split state in the Civil War, and grew up thinking the "good guys" won. During a school field trip, I don't remember wear, a friend bought a Confederate cap at a souvenir shop. I was shocked! I asked him why he bought it and he said his ancestors were confederate. That was my first introduction to confederate pride. This same person was also part of a Native American tribe, which just shows how far back his heritage goes.

My husband is good at pointing out the real reasons for the civil war, not slavery, and says the South had the right to try to succeed. He understands Southern pride and feels a connection to the south since he is from here and has ancestors dating back who knows how long. I understand it as best I can. The high school where I student taught had issues with Dixie Outfitters. No where in the handbook does it say the Confederate flag cannot be worn and halfway through the semester students told me a teacher was telling them not to wear their Dixie Outfitter shirts to school. When they asked the principle about it he told them it's true, they shouldn't, because it's a public school. However, nothing more was done with it. Rumor flew and more students than before wore shirts with big Confederate flag prints. One student in my class wore a mardi gras style necklace with 1"x2" flags all around it. Nothing was done about it. He made a point of telling me the black vice principle even saw it and said nothing. This student used the confederate flag in every piece of artwork he did, until I said he had exhausted the subject and needed to show more creativity and branch out. He was understanding as I was about his desire to use it.

I did see black students react negatively to this student's use of the Confederate flag in his art and on his clothing and accessories. One black guy who sat near him asked to talk to me and said he had to move because he just couldn't stand the guy. It could have had to do with the kid's obnoxious personality, but mostly I believe it was because of his obnoxious use of Confederate pride symbols.

One girl explained it to me saying, "Dixie Outfitters is just what rednecks wear." She started sporting a Confederate flag belt buckle everyday after the ban was known. Redneck pride. That I cannot understand. The term comes from miners in West Virginia, but now it represents people who are full of Southern Pride. In all honesty, when I think of a redneck I think of a disheveled looking white person who is uneducated, doesn't value education, hunts, talks with poor grammar, is overly Christian, is prejudiced against people who are different-especially gays and immigrants who don't speak English, wears cartoon character, John Deer and Dixie Outfitters t-shirts, and much more. Why would someone be proud of that? So, I'm going to try to understand what they think of with Redneck pride. They might feel it means they are hardworking, provide for their family, care for their kids, value their heritage, love their God, support their Country and President. Those are all positive things.

When I was a kid I did not like going to school with disadvantaged kids. They had street-knowledge that scared me, wore clothes that were tattered and dirty, were mean, disrupted class, didn't care about school, were disrespectful to teachers. I got tired of it and went to private school after eighth grade. Now I want to work in public school education. Now I understand the issues these kids face and why some acted out. Now I understand that they can be helped and should be helped and not written off as bad apples.

This is quite rambling I think and I was interrupted half-way through to put on a movie for the kids, but basically I'm just trying to understand groups of people and see them as individuals as well.

What do you think about the Confederate Flag and banning Dixie Outfitters from school?

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Confession


Here's what I did. I found this blog by a new teacher. I'll not link it. She has listed every student's name in her class. Now, maybe she changed the names you might think. Well, she named her school as well and the title of the blog is her classroom number. Her first name is on the blog. So here's what I did: nothing, for months. She doesn't post often, but then I was thinking about it and looked back at the posts and thought, what she is doing is illegal. Teachers aren't allowed to talk to parents about what a child did unless it is their child. And here this teacher is saying what school these students are in and what they are doing and what their room number is. So, I searched the school, as she had talked about the city in which she teaches, and found the number and called it.
When the secretary answered I told her I was calling because I found a blog online from one of the teachers at her school. She stopped me there. She didn't know what a blog was. I explained. I continued: I'm calling from NC, I found the blog searching the blog site and the teacher has listed information about her class and I thought you should know. The secretary asked for the teacher's name and when I told her the teacher's name, grade, and room number, she sighed and said "oh, she's a new teacher. I may have to refer you to someone else, hold on." She talked to other people I could hear in the background, came back and and asked for my name and phone number, changed her mind before I could give it, not that I really wanted to, and asked for the website instead. That was yesterday and nothing has changed on the blog. Was it weird for me to call? Would it be wrong to print out the blog posts, highlight the confidential information such as the school and student's names, and mail a copy to the school and the board of Ed?
I read other teacher's blogs. While they give the city in which they teach, they change student's names and do not tell what school they teach in. People involved with the school could probably figure out who it is, but outsiders can't, not easily. So, what do you think?

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Ahead of the game

As of Santa's arrival at the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade, it is the Christmas season. We haven't put our tree up yet, though we had intended to do so this weekend. We'll probably assemble it during the day tomorrow (yes, faux AND prelit) and decorate it when S gets home for school. I know many people finish Christmas shopping early and many finish the night before. I am usually shopping up till the week before Christmas for at least one or two things. This year, though, I'm done! Okay, I may pick up a few more little things to put in stockings, but the main presents are finished. I've even wrapped some of them. I also just addressed Christmas cards. Maybe ours will be the first to arrive at our friends' and families' homes. I do need a few updated address from my nomad friends who move so often. If you're one of them reading this, send me a message on facebook. I have picture cards this year! Fun! Snapfish made it so easy. I wasn't planning on doing them, but they sent me an email offer of 20 cards for 20 cents, so I did it. It ended up being about $7 with shipping. I need to do a big order of photos, though, because I haven't gotten any since Easter.

Here is our Thanksgiving tradition: taking a picture of the girls waving at Santa at the parade. This started when we didn't see Will's parents for Thanksgiving. I would take a pic of S and email it to them that morning. My FIL would print it out to have for the day. Here is this year's pic:

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

103 posts

I totally missed marking my 100th post. Oh well. I am absolutely in LOVE with Pandora. You have to check it out. I made a Beyonce station. I'm still personalizing it because it's putting a lot of the slower ballad-type R&B songs and I like more upbeat dance-type. That's the great thing about Pandora, the stations are made to your tastes. You can ban certain songs and artists. It's great!

Today was spent cleaning house. Not so much for the family who is visiting but for me because I haven't done much thorough cleaning during this student teaching semester. I'd usually straighten up the office and living room, help the girl's clean their rooms, then vacuum. I only did the bathrooms once top to bottom during the 14 weeks. I did keep up with the mirrors, sinks, and toilets, though. I'm not gross. I like having a clean slate for the holidays. I had some fun with magic sponges.

Will has been baking pies and preparing side dishes for tomorrow. I put the kids to bed and then watched some Beyonce videos and searched for the Justin Timberlake clip from SNL, but of course it's been removed. Inlaws are coming in this evening dropping off the grandparents at their hotel. They're bringing two dogs as well. Sister-in-law is coming tomorrow suppossedly with a new b/f. Should be a very interesting Thanksgiving. Kids are both sick. Had them in the doctor today so they're on antibiotics now. G just keeps getting eye infections from her colds, yuck. First year at preschool and she is always sick. Fortunately I'm staying healthier now that I'm eating better.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! I'm thankful to be in a nice, warm home with my family.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Moving on

I have let go the hope of getting the Anne Arundel elementary school position. The job is supposed to start Dec. 1 and it's just too close now. I've moved on. I put in another application. Don't freak out. Baltimore City. Yes, the INNER city. Chill. Okay, there are students at this (the one I've been studeng teaching in) little 'ole rural high school who ARE in gangs currently. Students are absent all the time because of court dates. A student was recently in the paper because he was arrested as being part of a gang and part of a group responsible for lots of theft and drive-by shootings. A student of mine, the one who allegedly threw the highlighter out the bus window at my windshield, was taken away in handcuffs a couple days after that incident for missing a court date. I feel very safe at the high school in which I student taught. However, I did stay on my toes and aware. High school students are big. The guys are much, much bigger than me. Generally, though, students were respectful.

Why Baltimore City? Well, for starters, we want to live there. I still have this dream of working where I live and having my children go to my school. I will only work in a Baltimore City elementary school. I'm not so naive to think that I could handle city high schoolers without maturing some first. They know I'm young and wouldn't have immediate respect because of it.So, wouldn't it be awesome to get a job in an elementary school in an area of the city that we'd want to live? So, that might not happen. And if it doesn't then it's back to our previous plan where our kids go to school where we live and do before/after school care and Will and I commute to our schools.

Will has his BCTR interview coming up. He will teach middle or high school if he's accepted, which I believe he will be because men are needed in the teaching capacity.

Right now I'm looking forward to the holidays and then plan on substitute teaching as much as possible while hopefully getting a position secured in Baltimore for next fall.

This weekend I'm living in the now as much as I can and planning for S's 6th birthday and Christmas. I'd like to get all the gifts done asap.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I want this job

I really, really do. One week ago today I interviewed for an art position split between two elementary schools. I was called on a Sunday afternoon and told that the following Friday would be too late and I should come in earlier. I went up to MD Monday night and interviewed Tues. Then I went back Friday and met the art coordinator for the county. Usually, she interviews applicants before they see principles. We did it backwards. That was ok with me. I was interviewed by one of the school's vice principles, who was the one to call me. He was very nice, showed me around the school, said they still had more candidates to interview and I would hear from human resources because human resources has the final say. So, I emailed the vice principle today thanking him for the interview and assuring him I would be available to start on the date he had said and gave him the link to my online education portfolio. He emailed me back saying the principle was still continuing to do interviews and I would be hearing from human resources as soon as the two schools reached a decision.

So, I'm anxious and stressed. The stress of traveling to MD and the three interviews I had last week (one was just a prescreening for another county) have caused my acid reflux to flare up like I'm not even on Prevacid. I'm having to add prilosec in the morning and continue with prevacid at night. I just want to get this job so badly. I want to have the security. I want Will to be able to enter BCTR without having the worry of whether or not I will have a job. Because, if we don't both have jobs we can't move. If I don't work this next sememster, we won't have money to move in the summer even if we DO have jobs. So, if you pray, then pray for me regarding this job. Maybe it won't happen because it really wouldn't be the best scenario. I do think things work out for the best sometimes. But I am praying that I get this job and can just relax and focus on teaching and not the "what if."

Saturday, November 15, 2008

I am exhausted

Three teaching interviews in one week. Two trips to MD from NC. One party. Good week, but I'm very tired.

About a recent comment on an old post

This post about failing Praxis II the first time has a new comment. I just wanted to state my opinion on the Praxis. I understand some people are not good test takers for various reasons. However, I do feel that we need a way to measure teachers' competency. The Praxis I is the first line of defense against people who are not knowledgeable enough to be teachers. At my university, there are two ways for students to enter the education program. One is to pass Praxis I. The other way is to receive a bachelor's degree. Students actually get their degree to get around having to take the Praxis. That is ridiculous. Praxis I is easier than the SAT!
Then there's Praxis II. In NC right now it is not required that secondary teachers and special subject teachers take Praxis II. It is required for elementary school teachers to take Praxis II. Yes, I failed it the first time, but only slightly. It wasn't because I'm not knowledgeable. I just didn't know what was required in the essay portion. The second time I did wonderfully because I knew what was expected. A class could prepare a student for the test as well as trying the test one time. You may even pass the first time! In my opinion teachers should have to take Praxis II to be fully licensed. Truthfully, I don't want someone teaching my child who could not pass Praxis I, much less Praxis II dealing with their subject content!
As for all those struggling, I'm sorry for your trouble. I hope you will try again and simply study. I didn't know many of the artists listed in the history section, but I knew enough. Don't feel discouraged having to take it twice. Understand that you will be teaching and you are to be as knowledgeable as you can. Of course you can study and prepare for lessons, as teachers should, but you should also have studied quite a bit through college. If your college didn't prepare you to take Praxis II, but is giving you a degree, you have been done a disservice. What I mean by "not preparing you" is you don't have the content knowledge from college classes to pass the Praxis II without a lot of additional studying and memorizing.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

One week after applying

I sent in my applications to 3 MD counties this past Monday. Now I have two interviews ahead of me this week. So FAST! The first interview is Tuesday with an elementary school in Anne Arundel county. The position is split between two elementary schools and they wanted me to come up as soon as possible because they want to fill the position quickly. I'm not even sure when it would start. Maybe for the next semester? I haven't even had the pre-screening interview yet and the Vice principle called today, Sunday! The second interview IS a pre-screening interview for Balt. Co. schools, so it's at the board of ed. with human resources personnel. Howard Co. still hasn't contacted me. Now I'm going through all the what-ifs and how we'd make this work. Yes, Liane, Mom and Dad know because Mom said the girls and I could stay there. We'd come back to NC after the school year ended to pack up the house and wait until closer to the next school year to rent a place in MD. See, I'd be able to save up enough for two months rent, but not enough to rent and pay bills, cover day care and afford to eat on just one salary. So, we'd have to start renting right before we start a new school year so we could pay subsequent rent with subsequent pay checks.
Tonight I'm getting all my materials ready for the interview because I'll be traveling right after student teaching tomorrow. I also need to get mostly packed tonight. Eck. It has begun! It's exciting, but stressful.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

What I did today...

Filled out teaching applications for the Baltimore area. 3 counties, specifically. Only one had an online application. The other two I had to print. Then I had to write cover letters to let them know that I'm student teaching and to tell them about my online education portfolio. I also had to make copies, in triplicate, (what a fun word to use) of my praxis scores (totally awesome) and my transcripts (unofficial) AND my student teaching evaluations from my cooperating teacher and university supervisor (also awesome). On top of that I have to get some other reference forms to the aforementioned people and one other college professor.

See, I've applied to SIX counties in NENC. However, there are NO openings at this awkward time of graduation in December, at least not for art. Will always said it's too bad you'll be boxed in to just teaching art, but I really do NOT want to teach elementary school regular classes. On top of there not being any known open positions, there are three other women graduating with me whom I am competing against. If you've kept up, you'll remember I already went to an interview where one of them was also interviewing. There is reportedly one teacher who was asked to come back after he retired a few years ago and is looking to retire again, maybe after this year. One of my fellow student teachers has a daughter in his class right now and is a local gal, so really if anyone should get the job it's her. Though I'd interview if it were to open up for next semester. She could just have it after me! I don't think that'll likely happen.

So, I'm applying for the MD schools. Ideally I'd start in the fall. Will is applying for BCTR to start training this summer and then teach in the fall. I need to also get a job by the fall. Right now, though, I'm thinking the big "what if." What if I get hired for next semester. First of all, that would be awesome because I want to work. We need money to move permanently. How would we do it? We'd stagger a move of sorts. I'd go up and get everything arranged for the kids: S to a new school (best scenario is it's the elementary school where I teach) and G to a full day day care near where I teach. Then the girls and I would move in with my parents for a little while (a month maybe) until we can save the money for renting a house. The downside is Will has to stay here during the week to finish his last semester. The good side is he could also substitute teach on the days he doesn't have class so we can save even more money to move our belongings up to the new house. And that's where the staggered move starts because we'd really only take the necessities for the semester and then get everything else later. It's only 4 months of Will in school here...not too bad.

I'm extremely anxious about getting a job. I want to have one so badly that I'll probably not enjoy my break for the holidays as much as I would if I had a job lined up already. Because, it's not a break if I don't. It's just me being done with school.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Can your vote make a difference?

Go here to make a personalized video to send to friends. It is hilarious!

Here's mine, though I've already voted, so it can't happen!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Pandora.com

What an awesome site. It's the new Napster. It's radio. It's free. It's personalized.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Student Teaching...

...will soon be over! I only have 3 more weeks after this week. This is my last week at the high school full time! I am so sad! I will miss these kids. I'm finally getting the hang of it and I'm fully into a routine with these kids. At first my university supervisor wanted me to switch with another student teacher at the middle school, but I feel like middle school is so similar to high school level I don't want to just switch. Besides, I love my placement! I asked to be able to just go around visiting different schools of every level during the mornings and then return to the high school to work with the afternoon classes. The new teacher coordinator is working on setting that up. It is so surreal that I am actually graduating. Unfortunately, I will probably have to substitute teach as there are no openings anywhere in the area.

My kids and my husband are both very sick right now. Well, S isn't very sick. She's been going to school, but has been fighting a cold for two weeks now. G is the sick one with aches and pains and fluid in her ears. I won't be at all surprised if she gets a double ear infection. Will (he wants me to use his full name so no one reading will think "dubya" as in George Dubya Bush) just went to urgent care because his ear is hurting. Maybe he blew out his ear drum. G did that when she was 2, but it had already mostly healed before we knew it had happened.

I am sick, but only moderately so. I fully credit my diet. I'm going to have plant juice this evening and then some left-over bulgur wheat-stuffed pepper and zucchini my mom made when she visited. Yum. I used to never get moderately sick. I would just get really sick and have completely stuffed sinuses and aches and feel very bad. I know Will wishes I'd stay home to give him a hand, but I'm really not sick enough to stay home and he's coping alright, especially since S can go to school.

My cooperating teacher was at an education conference today and will be again tomorrow. A young woman my age is our substitute. She just moved here to NENC this past July. She's originally from "South Jersey," but lived in L.A. the last three years with her Coastie b/f. It was absolutely WONDERFUL to see the school and the town from the perspective of a northerner. She said it seemed a little backwards and she's totally bored. Fortunately, she got right into the certification program at our local university and is working towards special ed. certification. She had completed her degree in history and secondary education except for her student teaching, so she didn't get the ed part of the degree. She's subbing and waitressing because there are no teaching positions open in social studies. Will thought it would be easy to get such a position, but it's not easy to get ANY position. A lot of students are graduating from college all across the country this year. My own student teaching class is the largest in a long time. I'm afraid it will be VERY competitve to find a teaching position here AND in MD. Anyway, it was very nice meeting her and she'll be back tomorrow. I wonder if she noticed my accent. I kind of slip into the southern/country accent very easily and I notice it more when I talk with northerners, like my mom or my friends. I noticed it today when I addressed the class to get their attention. I believe I said "ya'll" and kept right up with the twangy accent. It's not strong by any means, but it's there. It makes me feel good when people ask me where I'm from because I obviously don't speak with the accent of this region. Some girls from Tennessee once told me they loved my accent. That was weird.

Oooh, I'm getting the strange, achy, floaty kind of feeling in my body I get when I'm sick and on pseudophedrine. Not sure if it's from being sick or from the meds. I love REAL pseudophedrine, not that hydrocrap. It doesn't even bother me that I have to get it from the pharmacy and have my liscence number recorded with it, as long as I get it!

My in-house artist

I have to be "one of those parents," and share something my kid did. My 5 year old daughter drew this wonderful picture of my sister playing the piano and that's ME dancing. Apparently I took a long shower which made my normally poofy hair nice and smooth. Every picture is a narration. It's actually called the narrative stage. She's ahead of her age in art and has been since age two. Her small motor skills are just awesome. On average the narrative stage is this developed at age 7. Alright, that's the end of my bragging, for now. And here is the picture, ta da:

Saturday, October 18, 2008

I Voted


This morning S and I went to a Get Out the Vote Rally. (Doesn't she look like me when I was a kid, minus the curls?) The rally itself was a wash out because it was cold and rainy this morning. Usually there is a Market on the waterfront downtown every Sat. and we were going to have the rally on the waterfront as well in a different section. All week until Friday the temps were in the 80s and sunny. Then, Fri. it got colder and rainy. The Sat. market is usually very busy, so that would have been great for the rally. Still, we had it in a pavilion at a park near the waterfront and the pavilion was full. All ages were represented, though I think I was the youngest woman there (besides my 5 year old). I missed hearing Gov. Deval Patrick of Mass. speak because I decided last minute to go with S when she said she really wanted to go. The girls are sick and with the cold weather we didn't want to take them both out. But S is not so sick as G and so we went. Then we went to the Board of Elections and voted. I put my sticker on my shirt under my coat just to avoid any controversy. S said in a loud whisper "You're voting for Obama, right?" Shh, of course, I told her. She was quiet and watched the ballots being slid into the box near us. We both got "I voted" stickers and put them next to our Obama/Biden stickers on our shirts. Then we went to Wal-Mart to show them off... and to get some laundry detergent amongst other items. While getting pseudofedrine at the Pharmacy counter (cuz it's a dangerous drug) the pharmacy associate, a white-haired white woman, said "I see you've voted for Obama. Good job!" There were quite a few white-haired white folks at the rally, a group of white men around my age, then both white and black people in between. Oh, and I got an Obama/Biden yard sign. We'll see if it gets shot up like our last one was. And my in laws are visiting this weekend, so that'll be interesting. I wonder if they'll have an issue with it because it's their house and they'll be living in it in the near future. I mentioned this to W, but he said they could just put up a sign saying "the crazy liberals have moved."

The McCain/Palin sign in front of the high school was gone after two days. I also noticed today an Obama sign was gone from the corner near our house which is across from a Methodist church, not that I'm accusing anyone. A couple other election signs remained though.

Oh, this is interesting. On the 13th our local paper had an article about how the assoc. dean of humanities at our local HBC abused power by sending out an email back in Sept. to all students encouraging support of Obama. I had actually emailed her right back after reading the email and she didn't know what I was talking about. When I responded that I was asking about the Obama email, she said she needed to check with I.T. about it. Apparently she thinks someone hacked into her mail and sent it out. Whatever. I sent an email to the student list moderator about today's rally and they refused to send it out to students. I'm not surprised. Guess they don't want to get in trouble again.

A woman at church last weekend wore a McCain/Palin button. I don't think it's appropriate. She was in good company though as she and the nursery woman talked excitedly about going to see Palin at a rally this past week. We do advertise for Obama on our car at church, but it would be overboard to wear an Obama button or shirt to mass.

Caught a bit of O'Reilly yesterday and they were talking about the Catholic church and how they should tell everyone in the congregation they can't receive communion if they are for birth control or abortion. Didn't even mention that a priest cannot deny anyone communion. It's up to the individual to decide if she/he is worthy of communion. Before the primaries there was a story on NPR about this man who was refused communion by his priest because he was a known Obama supporter. He explained that a priest is not allowed to do that. I could totally see our deacon doing that. Not our priest, though. He's seems to be a pretty liberal guy.

I'm glad they have early voting here in NC and that it was open on Sat. The elections office was quite busy and it wasn't all because of the rally. It's pretty awesome to be living in this state for this election, as opposed to MD where it's usually blue. This time our vote will really matter. I think Obama could actually win NC.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Up late by the power of a 3 year old

Child will not be held by the gate, so she is holding me up from going to bed. I think she might FINALLY be close to sleep at near 11 pm. This stinks. On another notes, the PUBLIC high school where I student teach has a McCain/Palin sign infront of it. How nice is that?

Monday, October 13, 2008

Why did McCain choose such a corrupt running mate?

Especially when he wanted his image to be of him fighting corruption in Washington. Olbermann talked about the latest corruption link this evening (Monday) while the Daily Kos talked about it two days ago. While I leave the real judging to God, this lady disturbs me a great deal. She comes off as a pious person who truly believes she is doing God's will, that the Iraq war is God's will and the Alaskan pipeline is God's will. I cannot stand people thinking they know God's plan or they know exactly what God wants them to do. Don't get me wrong, God is present in my life. I read this somewhere and it's how I feel: Your life is God's gift to you; what you do with it is your gift to God.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

More on the journey to raw

So, I'm on this raw journey, right? It's where I focus on eating as much raw food as possible each day. Well, it's going well. I needed another goal, though, a shorter term goal. Raw will take year(s) to acheive. So, right now I'm focusing on being vegetarian every day and eventually vegan. I figure if my DD can do I, I can do it. (She's allergic to dairy and egg) The only dairy I've had in a loooong time has been butter and a little in my chocolate. I haven't had eggs for a long time as well.

I just realized today, that it will be nice to move because of the clean start with food and friends. Right now, the only meat the kids are eating is poultry. I'm find with that right now. I'm having a hard time giving it up as well. I don't want W to change more than he wants to, but it is difficult when he makes chicken because I do like it. So maybe what I'll do is just say I'll eat fish and poultry for now, but no eggs or dairy. I could do that. Then, when I'm ready, I'll say no more. And really, we won't be having meat every day anyway. I don't make it for family dinner at all. W makes it during the day when he's at home. I suggested getting chicken and cooking it to make sandwiches for the girls through the week. It's much better than deli meat. THAT we HAVE given up. It's just not good for you, though it's been a favorite of mine all my life.

So, right now 1. No dairy or eggs, 2. Fish and Poultry is the only meat I and the kids will consume, 3. Still focus on raw breakfast, lunch and then cooked vegetarian/vegan dinners.
Easy enough!

Tucking G in tonight....

Context: G sleeps in a sea of books. She looks at them and then falls asleep amongst them. Yesterday we packed up all the books, except the newest ones, we had on the kid's book shelf and put them in the attic in exchange for another box of books we had put up there about a year ago. That way we don't have too many books. Many of them will be going on to future neices and nephews and some will be kept for future grandchildren (yes, we want them already!).
So, while tucking her in tonight, G (3 years old) says, "I so happy we have so many of these books."
Me: "I'm so happy I have you!"
G: "Me too. I so happy I have famawee (family)."

Aw, isn't that adorable. Writing this I realize that up until this past summer G struggled with using "I." She'd say "Me want..." and such. I'd always have her try to repeat whatever she'd said using "I," but usually she'd say "I,me," like, "May I, me have some more?"

A few nights ago I had read Little Critter's "Family" book. It's so cute. I'm proud to see my baby growing up. I got to hold a newborn last night, for just a minute. She was waking up to eat and was doing the grunt. I was afraid I'd start feeling let-down in my breasts, so I gave her back quickly. She was 7lbs 8oz when she was born and even though mine were both much smaller, it's been long enough that this tiny baby was really very, very tiny to me. G was shocked! She couldn't believe how tiny she was. That's how S reacted to G when she first saw her, shocked at how tiny. S kept asking questions like what the baby would eat or play with. Guess it's been too long and she was too young to remember G as a newborn other than maybe a few flashes of memories.

Truthfully, even after holding the baby, I'm not wanting another. I had a little bit of biological ticking right when I was turning 27 this past July. I would be doing something mundane, like driving or folding laundry, when all of the sudden I'd get an image of me with a new baby and my two girls and then I'd start thinking about how much age difference there'd be between the kids if I got pregnant right now and then I'd just come to and shake the thoughts out of my brain. I had once read an article that said women's eggs start "going bad" at age 27. How crazy is that? They go bad, like chicken eggs, yuck. The article said that is the age when most women start really feeling the drive to have babies. It's kind of a weird thought that I won't reproduce again. But at the same time I feel content with that and picture my future with ease. I was very sick with baby #2 and that is enough to make me say I never want to risk my life again.

Besides, I've got such wonderful girls I wouldn't want to jeopardize my time with them.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Funny

http://www.thegreatschlep.com/site/index.html

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Bibles and Homos

Student teaching is on-going. Yesterday, when third block, which has lunch right in the middle of class making for some rowdy students, came back from lunch many of the students had little orange New Testaments. I asked one of the kids why they had them. He said "Some old guy was handing them out." He didn't know any more than that. Another kid said "I think he's from some church." Probably. Oh yeah, did I mention I teach in a public high school? Did I mention I teach in rural NC? Yes, I did in a previous post about prayer before teacher meetings the first week of school. So, I was feeling a bit odd seeing all the students coming in with half-Bibles, when I heard a student gasp, "You don't believe in Jesus?" The girl he was talking to responded, "I just said I'm not Christian. What more do you want?" When they saw I was watching and listening to them they stopped their conversation and got to work.

Theological discussions are great. They are fine for high school students to have... even at school! However, these conversations were spurred on by something that should NEVER have happened. Another table was discussing something about Judaism. When one student saw I was watching them he asked me if I was Jewish and proceeded to say that he has nothing against Jews, he just thinks it's funny how certain cartoon shows make fun of them. I explained that it's usually because the creators ARE Jewish. This is the same student who last week made a comment to the Indian kid about getting to White Castle. Obviously, he misses the point of all these racial stereotypes in comedies. Just like the Archie Bunker question: Did children who saw their parents laugh at how ridiculously ignorant and prejudice Archie was think that what Archie was saying was true and funny or did they realize their Archie was showing how wrong those views really were/are?

Anyway, back to the Bible thing. Just for reference, I went to a Catholic high school. I carried a Bible with me pretty much every day because it was a required text book for religion class. I see nothing wrong with using the Bible as a text, even in public school as long as other religions are given the same attention. For instance, a world religions class would be wonderful for public school... especially here. The students are so sheltered. There is so much racism and bigotry in this town.

Today when third block came back from lunch they were discussing whether or not someone was gay. I think I know who they were talking about and I believe he is probably gay. However, a friend was "defending" him saying he had a girl friend. The others didn't buy it and said it was just a cover up. Then one country boy proceeded to talk about how gay the kid had been to him and how his dad would beat him up if he got up in his face and was gay. That was about all I could take. At that point I told the kid that someone would go to jail for doing that. He disagreed. I explained how assaulting someone because of their sexual orientation is a hate crime and hate crime offenses are often given more punishment than other types of assault. He wanted to know how the judge would be able to prove it was a hate crime. I told him peole are subpoenaed and have to testify about the person and what they heard, just like people in this room have heard this conversation. He used the word faggot in conversation about 10 times today. I hate that word. Kids used it when I was in school, too.

After school I went to Wal-Mart. I went down the shaving aisle to get aftershave for W. There was a dad and his middle school aged son looking at the men's body washes. They were smelling them. The kid wanted to get one his dad didn't want him to get. Finally the dad told him it smelled gay. I think the kid still got it. More country folk. I have prejudice against rednecks and country people. I admit it. This is where I can say, yeah I'm an elitist. I don't want to associate with intolerant, ignorant people. These are the people who believe the propaganda and think that Obama is lying when he says he never was nor is a Muslim. But really, like it matters! So many Americans are prejudiced against Islam. Even my neighbor told me the other day that the Qur'an tells Muslims to kill anyone who isn't a Muslim. Sometimes when people say stupid shit like that I just say "hmm." But I didn't let that slide. I told her it does not and that Islam is a very peaceful religion and that the terrorists were extremists and not true Muslims because Muslims do not hurt innocent people and certainly not women and children. She didn't believe me either. But, again, this goes back to my Catholic education where I had an actual World Religions class and had Muslim classmates who gave us lots of info.

Sigh. W. Eugene Smith: "The only thing to be intolerant of is intolerance itself." It makes me feel justified in feeling the way I do.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

CAT: missing


I would like to begin by pointing out that I tried to find Daria a new home. Daria is our black cat. She is a wonderfully sweet and loving cat who deserves attention. She doesn't get it from us. I devote little to no time with her daily. The children are fond of her, but they also give her only a little attention daily. I almost had someone who wanted to take her. I posted Daria on free cycle and a woman said she would adopt her, but wrote back later saying her husband did not want her to. I stopped trying to find her a new home and life continued.

When tropical storm Hanna came through NE NC, the cover for the crawl space under the house got blown out. A couple days later when W found it he put it back on. Close to two weeks passed. Both W and I had passing thoughts about not seeing Daria much, but nobody verbalized these thoughts. I knew I was busy and I realized I had gotten off schedule with feeding the cats as I normally do. I really didn't think Daria was missing. I thought it was strange our other cat Jupiter was coming to find me for food because usually Daria did that. I didn't really think it through.

Yesterday when I got home W asked when the last time was I had seen Daria. He and the girls had searched the house for her and called for her outside in case she had gotten out. She has gotten out a couple times and we've thought maybe she'd gotten out a couple times when she hadn't. That's when I realized it had been probably a week or more since I'd seen her. Yes, I felt bad! We figured she must have gotten outside. I called the SPCA and they checked the three black cats that had gotten brought in the previous two weeks. None were a match.

Yesterday evening while brushing my teeth I heard a faint meow. I went to my room and heard it louder. It sounded like it was coming from the vent under the window. Could she be stuck in the vent? I opened the window and called out. The meow answered. It sounded like Daria, but more faint and shorter than usual. I was skeptical it was really her because our neighbors cat had short meows. I went to the back door and called. The meows responded, but no cat came to me. At that moment my heart sank because I thought for sure it was the neighbors cat who meows at us, but never comes over. Then I heard scratching at one of the vents for the crawl space under the house which was right under my room. DARIA! W came out and opened the crawl space and called her. She ran out to him and he carried her inside. I brushed her and pet her. She meowed a lot. Her meow was weak and she was skinnier. She looked so small to me. She is usually a muscular cat, but a small one still. She ate a little food and drank a little water. I was afraid she would eat too much. W said she'd probably eaten bugs.

I wonder if we had realized she was missing earlier if we would have found her earlier because we would have called out at night and heard her. It's possible we had heard her meow from somewhere under the house but didn't think anything of it because we're so used to hearing her meow from somewhere IN the house. Unfortunately I was just about to go to bed, so after brushing her I did. She followed me in the room. I hoped she would just lie down, but she roamed around and as soon as I fell asleep she started meowing. I shushed her a few times before taking her out of the room and blocking the door. She cried two more times later that night, but just for a minute.

She is doing well today and I'm giving her another brushing tonight. Maybe that could become a more regular part of my schedule. I still feel awful she was stuck under the house for so long and we didn't realize.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

New week

There is a new week starting tomorrow. Another Monday. I had a nice conversation with my Mom this evening and she is going to be visiting next month. I have that to look forward to. The family may be coming down for Thanksgiving or at least the weekend after and/or my graduation. They're not sure yet, but either way, they'll be here once before we go up for Christmas.

I ate poorly this weekend. I'm not going to dwell on it, but I will be putting my best foot forward (whatever that means) this coming week. I read my fill of Raw blogs this evening. So, I'm ready to get to juicing tomorrow morning. Juice in the morning, fruit for snack, veggies for lunch and a cooked vegetarian dinner. I am going to find a recipe to do for tomorrow based on what I already have. Shouldn't be too difficult. I have yet to get a decent vegan cook book, so that's my next step.

It's almost 9pm and I am getting tired! Back to teaching tomorrow and I do mean teaching. I'm "lecturing" (yeah, putting notes on the overhead) about value tomorrow. That's the art element value... nothing to do with finances. And we're starting a new project. Should be a fun week! Tiring, but fun. Very tiring. Okay, I'm not as psyched to be starting another week. I miss being home. I miss making my own daily schedule. I had forgotten how annoying it is to be tied to a strict schedule all day and then get home and be exhausted. School. I do love the block schedule, though. The day does go quickly.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Economic Web

So, all these banks and whatnot going under is no joke. W and I have been discussing the many possible ways we could be affected. We may not be able to get a mortgage in a year. We may be forced to rent for who knows how long. However, today I found an even more immediate connection. I went online to pay my credit card and scrolled down to look at the statement. Something caught my eye: AIG Inc Student Insurance! What? I've paid AIG?! I actually have student insurance through Pearce & Pearce. I'm pretty sure last spring when I made my previous payment it was billed to Pearce & Pearce. Now AIG owns it? Did they just buy it? How could they have bought it if they were in huge debt? P & P provides insurance to many colleges and universities. They fully reimburse ALL of my medications and pay for my doctors visits IN FULL! It is an awesome insurance and great for students. We've had no problem with them. In fact when they didn't bill us the first time around and sent me an email of cancellation I called them and they saw record of my enrollment, though it was on the wrong section of their website which didn't ask for payment. I simply paid over the phone and all was right. Back claims were filed. I can see how many innocent people (and countries) would be hurt if banks were just left to crumble.

Monday, September 15, 2008

They are dropping like flies

The students. They are getting sick. Mr. L, my cooperating teacher, is sick. He brought in sanitizing spray for the tables and chairs. I don't believe he washes his hands before he eats, though. I know I've forgotten a couple times, but now I am diligent. I also use sanitizing lotion in the classroom.

Today a teacher teased me by calling me "Lemon girl." I've been bringing lemons to school and squeezing them in my water bottle and adding Stevia to make lemonade. I started doing this last week when I thought I might be getting a cold. Turns out I enjoy the lemonade AND it gives me a vit. C boost. I've also been drinking juice in the morning made from 1 orange, 1 grapefruit, 1 apple, 1 lemon, small bunch of romaine and/or kale, and 3 celery stalks. My palate is really adapting to the green taste. I was thinking "what will I do when I visit my parents at Christmas?" But then I remembered green smoothies. I use frozen (or fresh) fruit, like pineapple and blueberry and blend it with spinach and a little kale. I prefer the frozen fruit because it's icey and makes a nice smoothie.

So far, my health has made a turn around for the better. My digestion is awesome and my immune system seams to be much better. We'll see how well it holds up. I'm NOT getting a flu shot. I reacted terribly to my tetanus booster 1.5 years ago. Plus, it might not even work. Food will be my medicine this year.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Elitists

Elitists that really bother me are those who say "I don't want to pay for (fill in the blank) with my taxes when that blank supports the innocent in our society and/or the future of our society and/or this Earth.

First example: Those who don't want to pay for stupid teenager's babies. Regardless of how these people who say such things feel about sex ed. and birth control, their comment is despicable. The babies born to teenage mothers (or mothers who are older, but poor) are completely innocent human beings. They are also the future of our society. If we didn't have Medicaid to provide prenatal care and education and WIC to provide prenatal nutrition and then breast feeding support and formula (in different amounts based on how much breastfeeding the mother does), these babies would not be brought into this world in any kind of good health and might be fed plain cows milk, rice or soy milk, or even sugar water to quiet their crying. Then the babies would not have adequate brain development and would be labeled special ed. when they go to school. So at that point they would definitely be getting more help from our taxes. They may even need support for their entire lives because they didn't get nutrition as babies/young children.

Second example: I understand this woman believes that raw, vegan living cures/prevents all diseases and if you live that way you should not need to waste money on modern medicine. She does support naturopathic doctors, but believes modern medicine is a sham. I think it is screwed up. There are ways to heal without going right to drugs. The cost of health care is through the roof. The drug companies should not be advertising on television, IMO, telling you to ask your doctor about certain drugs rather than just talking about any symptoms/problems you have. However, I fully support a national health care plan. The before mentioned woman wrote this:

This issue is about personal responsibility for one's health instead of handing it over to somebody else. That is not a republic, that is socialism. A government's job is to protect freedoms. It's job is not to take away our personal responsibility and live our life for us! A person needs to take responsibility for their health. I would consider socialized health care if there were stipulations, like if you want an expensive treatment, you need to do your part and improve your diet. But as long as a person can soak up my tax dollars on the most expensive, least effective treatment plans, and continue in their lifestyles which causes the disease in the first place, I will not pay for their health care, and I will NOT support a corrupt government that encourages this.



I do believe we need to push for more responsibility and educate people on nutrition. If naturopathic doctors could be seen with national health care coverage that would be optimal. However, the bottom line is that NO ONEs freedom will be taken away with a national health plan. You will still have the freedom to choose if you want to enroll with the health plan, not have insurance at all, or stay with private insurance. Now, Obama does want to require children to have health insurance. Medicaid doesn't cover enough, so the health care plan would take care of the rest of America's children... the innocent... the future. Too many children are neglected because their parents cannot afford health care. Some people will get angry about a pet being neglected, but think about all the children who have teeth rotting out because they never see a dentist. If they saw a dentist the dentist would ask about their diet. If they found the children were drinking plain juice or milk all day and milk in sippies or bottles at night the dentist would explain to the parent how unhealthy all that sugar is for the child's teeth. If they are a progressive dentist they might explain how too much milk (or maybe even any milk) can block the absorption of vitamins and minerals because it's difficult to digest and that vitamin deficiency is causing the child's teeth to rot.

Then there's the issue of people refusing to change. Doctors will not do excessive surgery on people who refuse to change their lifestyle. They realize it is wasted money and time. But if someone has diabetes and refuses to change, they should still receive treatment and insulin to help them through whatever of their life they have left, as it will be shortened. THAT is a person's personal freedom. We cannot simply take away unhealthy food at grocery stores or outlaw cigarettes. We know it's not a way to live a healthy life. But just as people can live a happy life and never read for pleasure (I know, shocking!!!) they can live their life eating McDonald's and chips and whatever other junk they want to. To say they shouldn't be given medical treatment is elitism and a form of prejudice. If you feel that more should be done to help these ignorant people, then support causes that strive to educate the public on good nutrition.

WIC wants to offer fruits and vegetables on its checks for children. The food given is not good nutrition, but some people don't know better. Funding has not been made available for WIC to include fruits and vegetables except for short periods of time at Farmer's Markets in the summer. School lunches across the country need improved. At the HS where I'm student teaching the kids eat pizza, chicken nuggets, french fries. They had to do away with the salad bar because it was too expensive. They now have ready made salads, but probably very few kids choose them over the french fries and chocolate cookies. If they do serve any vegetables they were probably previously frozen and then cooked to mush so that no nutrition remains. Needless to say, my DD doesn't eat school food.

We can change our culture. It is slowly changing. Vegetarianism and Raw food is becoming more mainstream with restaurants opening across the U.S. Michelle Obama got a lot of slack because in her effort to show that she realizes how high food prices are affecting us, she cited how expensive arugula has become. Arugula? It's likely the Obamas eat a diet heavy in fresh fruits and vegetables. They represent the progressive side. Obama would do more to provide nutritional education and healthy school lunches than McCain would. Remember Palin's parent's bumper sticker? "Vegetarian--Old Indian word for Bad Hunter." Please, if you really want this country to progress (nutritionally and health-wise), don't vote for the closeminded-knee-jerk-decision-maker from another era and his NRA-member-sidekick. Besides, we all know what happens when VPs go hunting.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Palin truth is finally coming out

This site is pretty interesting. When I first looked at it, it was just Anne Kilkenny's writing about Palin. Now it has additional references and it's more reliable. Many of the things I read on that site a few weeks ago have now surfaced in the New York Times article about Palin.

It's 5 pages. It's quite a laundry list. Mostly, it shows how parallel she is to Bush by documenting how she appointed long-time friends to offices they were barely, if at all, qualified to hold. She also pushed people out of her way by having them fired or deeming them "haters" and "anti-Alaska."

The Anne Kilkenny article says Palin had the Wassila head librarian fired for not removing immoral books from the shelf. There must not be enough evidence--maybe the librarian is not willing to confirm--that Palin had her fired, so the Times did not report that. However, it did report this:

For years, social conservatives had pressed the library director to remove books they considered immoral.
“People would bring books back censored,” recalled former Mayor John Stein, Ms. Palin’s predecessor. “Pages would get marked up or torn out.”

Witnesses and contemporary news accounts say Ms. Palin asked the librarian about removing books from the shelves. The McCain-Palin presidential campaign says Ms. Palin never advocated censorship.

But in 1995, Ms. Palin, then a city councilwoman, told colleagues that she had noticed the book “Daddy’s Roommate” on the shelves and that it did not belong there, according to Ms. Chase and Mr. Stein. Ms. Chase read the book, which helps children understand homosexuality, and said it was inoffensive; she suggested that Ms. Palin read it.

“Sarah said she didn’t need to read that stuff,” Ms. Chase said. “It was disturbing that someone would be willing to remove a book from the library and she didn’t even read it.”

“I’m still proud of Sarah,” she added, “but she scares the bejeebers out of me.”


I would just like to stress that Ms. Chase said the book "was INoffensive." For an extremist like Sarah, "that stuff" is trash to be burned.

I really get so upset reading this stuff. I muttered "oh my god" so many times while reading that article. It really sickens me. I want to condemn her to hell. Seriously. At this point I just have to breathe and relax. Sarah Palin is a religious extremist. It doesn't matter what religion it is, extremists are generally hurtful towards others and believe that god (not my God) is guiding them to do what they do.

Did anyone see the video of her talking to her former church congregation about god's will being done in getting the Alaskan pipe line? Olberman and Maddow did a little back and forth about god snapping to and getting that done for her. Funny stuff.

Thank God, seriously, that the media has finally gotten the facts together regarding Palin's history. They've been circulating in blogs, but you can't believe all that. The View did a great interview with McCain as well. I know it's not going to affect those who are closemindedly voting for the republican ticket no matter what (mostly for religious reasons), but for those who are still deciding this can help them see that McCain-Palin would be another 4 years of Bush-Cheney and we really cannot afford that.

Which reminds me about another section in the article, which I know you could read for yourself and if you are, then just go do that now. But if you aren't then listen. Palin sued the Federal gov. to have Polar bears removed from the Endangered Species list. She claimed that scientists had found no evidence they were in danger from Global Warming. When a university professor contacted her administration to have the emails from the scientists he was refused them. Eventually he got them and found that the scientists HAD found the polar bears were in danger from Global Warming. Oh man. What if Palin, like Bush, is so eager for the Reformation, she would like Global Warming to continue on a faster path to heed the second coming! Calm. Deep breaths. Extremist. Definitely not a feminist. Not even a feminist for life, which I want to get to in another post, but this is heavy enough for tonight.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Leaving the girl

I just tucked G into bed. She's great with showing the physical affection, but I decided to pull the "I love you, too" line from her, so I climbed in bed with her and she lavished on the affection. I asked her "how do you tell me you love me?" "I love you, too," she said. She always puts "too" on the end. So cute.

So then I was half-way stepping out her gate and said "goodnight, love you," again, when she looked up from her book (she always looks at books before going to sleep) and said "You gonna leave forever?" Whoa. I told her "No, I'm gonna be home with you tomorrow!" So G said, "Oh, Daddy gonna go?" Poor girl! She's back in the school year swing with W and I alternating time home. She did get half a summer with both of us home after W did an internship the first half. I explained that there is no school tomorrow so even S would be home. "You have two kids!" G exclaimed. She has changed so much in just the last month.

I don't think G meant I would "leave her," just that I would be leaving the house (and then coming back) every day... forever.

Another thing. She is to the height where it has begun to be painful for her to be picked up under her armpits. That just came to my attention today. I didn't realize how difficult it would be to see the baby as growing up, though I had heard of this and witnessed this happen for other parents. In fact, there is a mother I see at church with 3 boys, one of whom is in a class of mine at the high school. Anyway, she holds her youngest much of church and he pretty much always falls asleep either on her or on the pew when we stand (which is a lot of the time since we don't have kneelers down here in the south). The problem is this kid stands at the height of the woman's arm pits. She's a little on the short side, but still. He has to be 7 or 8 years old. At first I thought he was developmentally disabled, but now I don't think so. I think she has just refused to see that her youngest has grown so much.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

9/11

Oh my gosh. I stayed up late (11 is WAY late for me these days) watching a show of 9/11 footage. When it was over I still wanted more. Now I remember why we watched footage and interviews about this tragedy for days. How sick it was. If I had been there I would definitely have been fucked up. Especially if I were a working mom with a kid or more in day care. Oh man, I would have a HARD time going back to work and leaving them.

I was just thinking about G's preschool yesterday... or maybe it was today. I was imagining how the teachers (mostly former SAHMs--not that there's anything wrong with that) would handle a tragedy. Public schools and private schools alike plan for the worse. Teachers have crisis intervention training and training on what to do if there's an intruder. But G's little Baptist preschool? Probably not much more than fire safety training. Though, I should ask before making judgements. But anyway, I pictured the absolute worse and it's just horrible. With going to work full-time I've had one terrible dream so far where I was actually with the kids, but was struggling to keep them safe. I don't worry about S at her elementary school. She's already done a year there and she's not a big risk-taker at all. G is a different story. She's also having a hard time with me being away 5 days a week for the first time in her life. Even when I went to school 2-3 days a week I would stop home for lunch and would be done by 2 most of the time. Then I'd be home with her for the rest of the week. Hopefully she'll calm down soon. W is dealing well. He feels as I did after a day home with 2 kids, even if one was in school much of the day. It's exhausting and you can't escape. You don't "leave work" to come home. You've already been home all day. Maybe he's understanding why I got out of the house as much as possible--went to the library, the store, the Y, the park, play group, friend's houses. I feel so great having him home with G, though, rather than having to put her in day care. I could cry that I'm missing her preschool days. W took her the first day. W gets to pick her up and hear about her day. She tells me much of it at dinner, though.

Now I'm just rambling. I wanted to just post quickly about 9/11 and then I got onto my kids and well... they are extremely important to me. I wouldn't want to be without them and I pray I never have to be.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Settling in... typical

First, I'm really settling in to the student teaching routine. I've gotten very comfortable in front of the students. I am pushing myself to expect more respect, as they chatter amongst themselves way to much for my taste sometimes. It's especially annoying when they will not stop their conversation when one student at a table needs help. I have adjusted to the cold temperature of the classroom. So have the students as they don't whine to turn the air conditioning off anymore as they did the first week. I am not as exhausted when I get home as I was the first week. Before my head was just spinning and my whole body was tired. Now, I am somewhat mentally tired at the end of the day, but I feel good about what I've done and I can just unwind with a little Oprah. My feet are not so sore anymore, but it helps to put them up for a little while right when I get home. Then I can fix dinner for the girls and enjoy the evening. My first lesson I developed and delivered is going well and I am proud of what the students are doing. I hope they are proud of themselves as well. Some are very difficult to motivate, but I'm still trying. Overall they like me, but I need to forget about that and work on getting their respect. I do respect them and, as I said, I need to push myself to demand more from them. Just as I am getting comfortable with them, they are getting comfortable with me and are becoming more forward. Today I got questioned about whether I had graduated from their high school and what year that was. Of course, I said, no I'm from MD and it's none of your business. The guess was class of 93. That would put me at about 32, which I believe is an average perceived age for myself based on my lifestyle, mostly the fact that I've been married 7 years and have two children. I am loving teaching high school and I will now start hoping and praying I can get a high school position here or at least when we move back to MD. I enjoy the assignments and the block schedule. I could do elementary, but I now know I WANT to do HS. Really, this whole experience is so wonderful. Mr. L, my cooperating teacher, gave me my first evaluation and it was very nice. He said that I was beyond what the average student teacher knows and is able to do with students at this stage in my career. Well, I'm not a timid 21 year old. I'm 27 and I'm ready to work! I told him, I'm ready to work and I considered lateral entry, but decided student teaching would be a helpful experience that I didn't want to miss if no jobs came along. Now I am SO glad I got this experience. I will be SO much more confident when I do get a job, no matter what level it is.

As for the typical, it's time for our first cold. Actually little 3 year old G has had the cold for a week now. W has had it for about just as long as well. G did get one hour at preschool last week, as she seemed well, but then turned for the worse again and spiked a fever. She and W have had fevers on and off for the whole week. A little boy at church had been in the hospital with pneumonia. I wonder if it's the same virus that caused his pneumonia to develop. S and I have been fine thus far. Yesterday I split chicken fries and french fries from BK with S. I'm not proud. Then I had a gyro sub with yogurt sauce from a nearby restaurant. So, of course this evening I started feeling stuffy up in my sinuses and itchy in the back of my throat. Now, I've been having allergy symptoms for the last few weeks, but this was different. This wasn't a slight stuffiness with itchy eyes. This was that interior tickle that happens when a virus is about to be expelled by your body via snot. So, I'm taking Beuller's advice and juiced two lemons. I made a lemonade with water and Stevia. I would have juiced an orange as well, but W finished them off with his juices today. We are loving our Breville juicer. It works wonderfully and the green/fruit juices do make filling meals. I'll have to have some more lemonade later today and then tomorrow morning to really give my body the Vit. C spike it needs to fight this off. We'll see how it works.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Dr. Maddow: The Truth About Lying

Watch this, then tell me how they are getting away with it and why they will continue to get away with it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ft6u7OhWpDM

Tropical Storm my ass

Hardly any rain. Some strong gusts of wind. The port-a-potty for the still-in-construction house across the street got blown over. A neighbor's mailbox was blown off the stand. Other than that, nothing really happened for us here in Northeastern NC. We need rain, though, so we're not happy. It looks like Ike is going down and around Florida now, so we won't be getting good rain from that either. Not that I want a huge hurricane to hit the OBX, but I have survived a category 2 while vacationing there and it was just fine. Rocked the house nicely so everyone could take a nap. So, a little hurricane would bring us all some nice rain which we need this year. Plus I could get some excused days from Student teaching. I love it, but it is exhausting!

Monday, September 1, 2008

Time line check

So she got pregnant 5 months ago. That was when she was supposedly home sick with mono. If that's true, then that would be the perfect time for her to have had sex. Both parents would have been gone working while she was out of school. I know, she was sick. But come on. Who hasn't had sex while sick?

News Break!

Just now it was reported on the TV news (during coverage of Gustav) that Bristol Palin is pregnant now. Rumored reports stated she has a ring on her wedding ring finger. So, where is the "newly married" part of the story? Very interesting.

Palin Pregnancy Possibilities

I knew there would be talk about Palin's abilities to mother and be VP (or governer) at the same time. This would force us to examine how we think about women, mothers, and careers for women and mothers.

I did NOT expect anything like this. When I heard she had gone into labor and then taken a long flight, with a layover in Seattle, from Dallas to Alaska to have her baby I was astounded. How does that happen for a fifth pregnancy? But I just shook my head in wonder and went on with things. Now the rumors are flying and it's insane. Now I'm finding the baby was born a month premature and she actually gave a keynote address while leaking amniotic fluid. While I do agree that most American women have tummy pooches, this definitely deserves investigating. Read up for yourself. I'm sure I'll be posting more. I am looking forward to any forthcoming mainstream media attention on the issue.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

My favorite greens and eating raw

I LOVE Earthbound Farms greens. They are organic. The spinach is delicious. Nothing is irradiated (not allowed with organic produce). Did I mention the spinach is delicious. I tried another brand and it was actually bad tasting. I didn't even want to eat it, but put lots of lemon juice and pepper to make it edible. Earthbound Farms spinach is good plain.

Yeah, I'm still on my raw kick. I'm not eating all raw and I'm not trying to. I eat whole grain organic bread and pasta, beans and brown rice, and lots of salad and fruit. I also juice a lot now that I got my Breville juicer.

What results have I seen? I'm no longer bloated. I used to be slightly bloated all the time. During menstruation it would be much worse. Without all that water weight I am just overall smaller, especially my stomach and thighs. W actually said I had less cellulite on my thighs and butt. I never really fretted about my cellulite, but I didn't like it. So to hear that it's not as noticeable is a nice surprise. Something to keep going for another beach season! Just two weeks ago I tried on some slacks and felt they were way to0 tight and uncomfortable to wear out. Well, on Thursday I wore them to school and they fit so well. Unfortunately the black slacks I had purchased to replace them are now way to big. I'm hesitant to have them tailored because I've only been eating this way for a little over a month. Still, I believe this is a life-style change and I will never go back. Also, I don't worry about putting on weight because I'm not loosing a lot of weight. Just about 3-5 lbs so far. It's just the water weight that has made such a difference with my pants fitting at the waist. Other results are that I am satisfied by a salad now.

What has surprised me is I have had fast food cravings when I'm driving home from school. I won't stop and get it. I'm sure I'd feel completely gross after only 3 bites of a burger.

Mucus. It's something that happens when you eat a food your body cannot digest well. It happens to people all the time. We just don't automatically relate it to our food. We blame it on allergies or whatever. But after having cheesecake at school one day I felt very congested and had a cough and mucus in my throat. This used to happened with ice cream for me before.

The whole family is pretty much non-dairy. Of course, G has been since she's allergic. W has all digestive signs of being allergic as well. S and I get constipated from it. It's a type of IBS that has just recently been recognized. It goes away for us when we do not have dairy. We do eat goat cheese and butter in small amounts. It's better to have real (organic, but we can't afford) butter on bread than to eat the soy margarine. Soy and peanuts are other mucus-causing foods, so we are not eating them as well.

People as a whole do not understand food allergies and do not understand dairy allergy. Usually people ask if we can give her lactose-free milk. It's not a lactose intolerance. It's an allergy to the protein. In my head I'm thinking "and most everyone has difficulty digesting dairy protein." I read an article once that stated that Native Americans and African Americans have a high rate of being lactose-intolerant. This leads to many infants being put on soy formula instead of dairy-based formula. Check out The Whole Soy Story. Not sure if it's all true, but it's worth thinking about. The way soy is broken down to create many, many food products (soy lecithin--the protein--is in so much food you wouldn't even expect) is similar to the way plastic is made. It's very far from natural. Pretty much edamame is the only safe way to consume soy and even then, it should be in small amounts. It's become such a "health food" and celebrities are all about feeding their kids edamame. It's even packaged with Sponge Bob on the bag.

The girls are not vegetarian... yet. It's a transition. Also, we need to make sure they are not allergic to nuts. S will be having a food challenge for almond and strawberry, so hopefully they are both negative. If they can have nuts, that will help them eat less meat, or no meat.

Since I still want to eat fish, this post by Bueller is interesting and I want to find out my mercury level. I believe diseases such as autism and Alzheimer's are caused by metals and other toxins in the body f-ing up the brain. It can happen in utero. So, even if we eat all organic while pregnant, we're messed up enough to mess up the fetus' growth. Depressing. I thank God my girls are ok. I know vaccines do not contain thimerosal anymore, so we do vaccinate. Still I worry about toxins.

I am really loving this way of eating and I am EXTREMELY proud of W for diving right into this with me and supporting me with changing the girl's diet (while it wasn't poor it needed improved) for the better.

Does anyone understand this?

Another freecycle post. I don't understand it. What is a "tradey"?

"A GOODFRIEND OF OUR FAMILY HAD A TRADEY WITH HER FATHER.I AM LOOKING
FOR ANY SIZE 14 JEANS,ETC,SHIRTS LARGE AND XLARGE.YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT
IT WILL MEAN TO HER.IF ANYONE CAN HELP THANK YOU SO MUCH "



The only thing I can think is she meant to type "tragedy."

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Praxis II = Passed

Alright, so this second attempt at Praxis II resulted in success. Thank goodness. I was so nervous opening the results I seriously could hardly read it. I expected to find BOTH attempts listed just like the SAT does, however it just shows the second try. On the multiple choice Art Content Knowledge I went up only one point to a 169. My best section was Art Criticism and Aesthetics, which is no surprise as the last Art History course I took was focused on that subject.

The essay test, Art Making, was where I had scored about a 50% last time. This time I scored a 169. In their judgement of my knowledge about basic art concepts and techniques of art making I went from a 6/12 to a 10/12. In the documentation of personal art making I went from a 22/40 to a 30/40, which is actually above the average range of 22-28. So apparently, scorers are extremely harsh on the essay test.

I'm so relieved. Now I get to send copies to the six board of eds to which I've sent applications and also to my school registrar so I can be approved for graduation.

Should I walk at graduation? I need some opinions here. I always fully expected to walk at graduation, but after switching schools so many time and not spending more time at THIS university I don't feel it's really my own. In fact when I send in applications to school boards they receive transcripts showing many credits from all my schools, except just a few from the community college. So I feel all the schools are my own. It's just that this school is giving me my final degree. I am actually very eager to get my masters so I can have my highest degree from a different school.

After trying to start Students for Barack Obama and receiving less than welcoming results I felt bitter towards the school. W has decided he is NOT going to walk. I am so supportive of this, though his parents and grandparents want to see him graduate. He told them to just come down for a party here. See, W is graduating in the spring where the ceremony is outdoors on the football field. From other recent caucasion graduates the speeches at graduation have been so african american centered it felt even more awkward to be graduating from the HBC (historically black college). We also have little respect for the chancellor and the way the school has been run. It's literally falling apart.

I'm more inclined to go to MY graduation simply because it is in December and therefore will be indoors at the very nice auditorium. Probably my family would come down, which would be very nice. S could also attend, though G still is not able to sit still or be quiet long enough, so we could have someone watch her during that time. The December class is probably much smaller than the spring class which is also nice and I'd be with the group of student teachers I've meet at seminar. I am not the oldest, so that's nice to have other "adults" graduating with me.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

What is a "well-behaved" baby?

A teacher at my H.S. was telling my cooperating teacher about seeing another teacher's new baby over the summer. The first description she gave was that the baby was "very well-behaved."

What does that mean? Most people would answer that the baby doesn't cry a lot and might sleep through the night. There are three personality types for babies and you can look that up. Experts say that a baby's personality doesn't necessarily coincide with their personality as they grow. The "personality" just decsribes how "needy" or "demanding" a baby is.

A baby does have behavior. A baby behaves in the necessary way to get what he or she needs: changing, feeding, sleep or to let someone know he or she is overstimulated and overwhelmed or uncomfortable in any way. Regardless of the baby's personality type, when a baby is described as "well-behaved" that really means the PARENT (or caregiver) is well-behaved (i.e. meeting the baby's needs).

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Prayer in School

My sister teaches in a suburban area right outside of a big city. I live in a rural farming community in the South. As you may know I am student teaching at a high school and we've had some faculty days this week. The first day we had breakfast at the school and the band teacher led the prayer before we ate. When I told this to my sister she stopped me at this point saying "Wait, prayer? They said a prayer?!" Oh yes, and I'm used to that. There's prayer at all city functions. There's prayer at all local college functions. It's commonplace here. What DID surprise me this time was that the teacher finished the prayer "In Jesus' name!" My mouth dropped open as everyone responded fervently "AMEN."

It's just plain illegal. No one religion should be observed at public schools.

Today a local church catered lunch. It was very nice of them to do and of course the pastor said a prayer ending in the same way. I'll be glad to move to the city and work in public schools that respect everyone by respecting the law.

When to stop shopping "Juniors section"

S and I went shopping this past Saturday. Upon entering the Junior's Department at JC Penney, I thought "When will I just stop shopping this section." I noticed a couple other women who appeared older than 30. "How does a woman realize she's too old to shop Juniors even if the styles fit?" I thought. Then I looked around and really took in the fashions. There was a big poster of Kimora Lee Simmons for her "Fabulosity" line. That's when I realized THIS is how I know I have to stop shopping Juniors sections. The styles were so hip hop and 80s retro. It's just weird to have been a kid in the 80s and see teens wearing it now. I can relate to liking "retro" styles, but I shopped Good Will, not department stores, for my 70s finds.

I am certainly "Misses Section" gal. Goodies actually has an "Updated Misses" section in addition to the regular Misses section which has the "old lady clothes." You know , the cotten pant/sweater combos. Yuck.

Monday, August 18, 2008

A thought on kids and TV

"Thank you all who responded to me for the TV. In my travels this
morning I was able to pick one up at a yard sale for $5.00!
Yippie...Now my son will be able to watch as much TV in his room as he
would like with out me ashamed of it! Again thank you all for your
support and offers!
Blessings, "

This quote is another FreeCycle posting from my area here. I really hope this "kid" is some 45 year old high school drop out still living at home. He's probably not, though, and that makes me really sad. She's totally copping out instead of stepping up and being a parent. If your kids watches too much TV you limit it! Set a time and have him choose the shows he wants to fill that time. Truthfully, when it gets so bad that you are ashamed of the number of hours your kid watches TV you need a TV fast. It's tough, it's painful, but it works. At least it worked for the Berenstain Bears.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Diet and school update

I did finally colon cleanse and it backed me up. I guess I'll just keep with the diet for a while unless I get any bad symptoms again. I have found that I have nausea after I consume a lot of romaine lettuce. I'll stick with spinach for a while and only eat other lettuce in moderation. I hope I don't have to give up romaine because it's so nice and big and works great for wraps. I had it twice yesterday: once with sunbutter and honey and then later with almond butter and honey. I felt nauseous only after I had it the second time. Then today I had only two leaves with avocado salad on them and I felt a little stomach discomfort. Then I craved carb. I had a hemp flour bagel and it was AWESOME! It was darker than whole wheat and so tasty. Then I made whole wheat flax seed pancakes for dinner because I was still craving carbs. I also had scrambled eggs to be sure I don't get too many detox symptoms. I want to detox I just don't want it to be uncomfortable. I already have more BMs and gas than usual. The BM part is great, I just gotta get used to it!

The two days of seminar WERE a waste of time. They didn't even have a placement for me yet. The supervising instructor told me to try to find one myself! I finally got in touch with the school board person who was responsible for placement and she got me a spot with a high school art teacher. Well, I'm not too happy it is high school. I would have been more relaxed with elementary. But I think it is what I need to really get me prepared to teach any level. Why not do it now when I have an experienced teacher, Mr. L he'll be called, to help me. I'm not looking forward to having to come up with all the lesson plans. We'll see how that sort of planning goes. Maybe I'll get a lot of assistance from Mr. L based on what he's planned already. Although, this may be his first year teaching art. I called the school asking about the first week's schedule and said I didn't see him on the website as the art teacher and the woman said he HAD taught at the school before but she couldn't remember what program he worked with. At least he's familiar with the school and hopefully with many of the students.

It's kind of surreal to finally be here. I'm a student teacher. I'm finally Mrs. E, though around here it's rare for anyone, especially kids and teens, to say "missus." It's always "miss." Anyone else familiar with the south's tradition of calling people Miss. or Mr. followed by their first name? Well, it's a thing done around here quite a lot. Though, schools do keep it professional using only last names. I am conservative in that manner, thanks mom. She taught me to call anyone older Mr. or Mrs. unless told not to. When I took some art classes on the community college and my high school art teacher was my college teacher, she had college students call her by her first name. I just couldn't make that switch. I continued to call her Mrs. Blank. (That's really her name. Is my identity revealed? nah.) She even brought it up one day, but I told her it was difficult for me to change only 2 years out of HS to calling her by her first name. She said that was fine then.

High school. For art it can be easier because students are in the art class because they like art. Still, there can be one art class that students HAVE to take and others where students had no where else to go. I wonder what the schedule is like at this HS. It's probably a block schedule which could mean only 3 classes a day and one planning period. That sounds good to me! I hope Mr. L lets me take it slow and only take on classes after an observation period. Also I hope to only teach one class a week and then add a class each weak. I don't need to teach all day every day. I need the practice, yes. But it's not my job really. I wish student teacher were done differently and we were paid a stipend of some sort rather than having to pay for the credits. Interns get paid. We should too. And even if we do have to pay for credits, it should be 12, not 6, so we can be considered full time students and have all the benefits that entails, like more grant money or student loan money.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Don't fear the reaper

Received in my email from someone in my local Freecycle group (check it out at Yahoo groups if you haven't joined):

"hey i need your help my granddaughter is death and i'm looking for
some one who has some books on signs and anything you have to help me
sign to her thanks"










This is the only good sign I could find for her:

Monday, August 11, 2008

Husbands do NOT babysit

I have always stood by that phrase. When we had our first baby and I would tell my husband some plans I had made with a friend or to just go out by myself he'd ask, "What about S?" I'd tell him she lives here, you live here, put it together. Eventually he got it. I understood he was only asking because my parents lives very close and sometimes babysat for us. Then when we had our second baby and we moved to a new house W took on a new roles: caretaker (to ill live-in great-uncle) and stay at home parent. His job was to take care of uncle and to go to school. When he was home he took on the responsibilities of parenting our oldest while I took care of the baby and tried to recoup as she never was able to sleep through the night. I've always hated when mothers would say their husbands were home babysitting. While I understand that can be an accurate description it burned me that they allowed it to be that way. When a mom is stay-at-home (aka SAHM) and the dad is working all the household and family management falls on the mom. Usually we're okay with that and often love it because of the control. The catch is husbands have to be willing to pitch in whenever asked. Mine was. It was wonderful. Would you give S a bath tonight? Thanks. Do you want to do the dishes or do baths? Dishes? Okay. We got into a pretty good routine when I was SAHM.

THEN the transition of me going to school started and it sucked. It really sucked because I felt that on my school days I shouldn't have to fix kid's lunches even if I was home for lunch. I thought about how it was when W was the only one in school. He came and went as he pleased. If he stopped home for lunch he ate and left again. He'd have conversation with me, but he didn't change any diapers or fix and lunch for anyone else. Often he ate lunch out with classmates. Now, when he was home at the end of the day he was available and took part in household chores and caring for the kids. Unfortunately W had a difficult time adjusting to being a SAHD for 2 days a week and 1 morning. He only had G who was 2 and we all know how 2 year olds are (finicky!). After a few weeks I asked him how he felt about being SAHD. His response: "I hate it." BUT that was only the first semester. He got much more adjusted for the second semester and eventually said he no longer hated it. I never really had anything to criticize him on when he was home. He cleaned the kitchen every morning so I came home at lunch to a nice kitchen. He dressed G, usually. He fet her when she asked. I was happy with his skills.

Today I was bad. I asked if he had fed G an egg as I had seen eggs on some one's plate when I was home for lunch. Of course, if I had thought about it I would have kept my mouth shut, but it slipped out without thought and he was very insulted because he knows she is allergic (we had thought she had grown out, but had a reaction after a few months of ingesting them). The girls had also been fed sausage. Now, remember how I said I wanted to go mostly vegetarian? Well, for me that means vegetarian at home 95% of the time and only eating meat out, at some one's house, or if we have a cook-out. W's response to my criticism of the food? "You said we'd eat what was in the house and make a slow transition." I reminded him that HE JUST BOUGHT the stupid sausage, though I didn't say stupid, and it's been over 3 weeks since we first discussed going veg. Truthfully it should be a very easy transition for the girls because they are already used to eating a diet of mostly fruits and vegetables.

The other criticism is where it's evidenced I treated my husband like a babysitter today. I reminded him I had told him about leftovers in the fridge for the girls and peppers and hummus that could be served for lunch. He didn't give it to them. He didn't even really remember the fact that I had gotten hummus and he didn't know what peppers I was talking about. So, I shouldn't have worried about what he'd feed them, and usually I wouldn't. In fact I DIDN'T! I went off to school today without thinking about him feeding them meals. He's capable. But then I was disapproving of his choices. I threw out some items in the fridge I no longer want S to have, G's already allergic. That will cut down on some confusion.

I regret treating him like he should have known better and that he didn't follow my instructions. I do get annoyed with his apprehension to dietary changes and his bringing food into the house he knows I don't want to eat nor do I want the girls to eat. He actually got a pizza Sat.

Today he made excuses for not going to the gym. It was absolutely annoying. He was adamant about going, but then when I got home at 4:15 he said we needed to go to the store and S needed to finish cleaning her room before we could go. We ended up not going to the store OR the gym. I fell asleep on the couch watching the news. If we had just kept to the schedule as planned, I wouldn't have slept, we would have exercised a half hour, we would have gone to the store and we still would have eaten dinner at 7:45 like we did anyway! Complete B.S. He insinuated that I am selfish with wanting to go out when things need to be done at home and that I did not back him up enough with S cleaning her room. See, I had brought home kiwi and wanted the kids to have a snack at 4:30 so they could go to the Y without being starving for dinner. But having her come have a snack interrupted her room cleaning.

What should I do? I know I can't MAKE him do ANYTHING. Usually I just grab the kids and go on days like today when he was already annoyed and stressed. But I couldn't because of S's room. I didn't want to leave him alone with any kids because the kids had been rotten all day and he was too stressed. So, I didn't get my work out in. I told him I need him to stop bringing food into the house that he agrees we shouldn't have, like pizza, fast food, take out, and that I wasn't going to let him bring me down anymore. Maybe he's hurt I told him he's a bad influence.

It's so difficult to stick to a plan when your spouse doesn't go along with you. Even though he said he was supportive he just keeps harping on taking it slow saying "You said we'd take it slow!" I'm not trying to control his eating habits, but just get him to not bring in tempting food and to be aware of giving the girls fresh fruit and veggies. It's difficult to change. I know that. I am ready. He's not. I know it will take time. I will try to be more understanding and forgiving and not focus on food. It's just very difficult with us both taking care of the kids and doing things differently.